Dead Before You’re Born

 

  • Being single for too long shaves 10 years off your life.
  • Being a smoker cuts down another 10 years.
  • Having no friends reduces it by another, you guessed it, 10 years.
  • Being a man shortens your lifespan by another 10 years compared to women.

With these stats in mind, a lot more people should be dying at 35. We’re not even factoring obesity, stress, lack of sleep and exercises, and UV radiation.

 

It’s a miracle so many people get to celebrate their second birthday.

 

Meow

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What Causes Social Anxiety and Why It Will Get Better As You Get Older.

 

The answer is cortisol.

If you’re socially anxious, your body is trigger happy when it comes to releasing cortisol, also known as the stress hormone. If we were still living in the East African Rift Valley, cortisol might have saved your life and increased your chances of propagating your trigger happy genes. That’s why social anxiety is rampant today despite the fact that it stifles your chances of reproducing in the modern age of medicine and longevity.

There’s good news, though. As I stated before, if you experience social anxiety, your body is producing too much cortisol. But excessive exposure causes your tissues to become resistance to the hormone over time. Sort of like how a drug addict needs more of a drug to feel the same effects. This means that, when you get older, the amount of cortisol your body releases in social situations will no longer be enough to trigger the anxiety you feel.

So if you have crippling social anxiety, take heart. It only gets better from here.

Maybe I Should Just Write Catchy Quotes…

I don’t understand people’s loyalty to their country. Like, your parents fucked there, big deal.

Crimea might be the new Sudetenland. World War 3?

It is a cruel joke that a hangover is cured so conveniently by pouring another drink in the morning.

Life is like a boring roller coaster, don’t mind being on it, but wouldn’t care if the ride ended. Never exciting. Occasionally I get too bored with it, and want it to stop, but mostly blasé.

Apathetic and anhedonistic. The latter isn’t a word but it should be – hedonistic is, after all.

These aren’t catchy.

Pretending To Be Sober While Drunk

I don’t know why I capitalized every letter in my title, but everyone seems to do it on WordPress.

 

Anyway, don’t you just love that feeling when you manage to pass as sober to a friend or family member who thinks you have a drinking problem?

I imagine it’s close to what transgendered people feel when they’re acknowledged as a member of the opposite gender.

They would probably disagree, they’re real womyn after all.

 

I have nothing else to say today.

 

Shoot

What a wonderful day
What a beautiful sight
What is this feeling?
Happiness.
Don’t pinch me,
I know it’s a dream.

Covers off now,
Feet on the floor
A shot might help
The liquid kind.
Although the killing kind would have worked just as well.

Empty echos of dead men

“We are as continuous with the physical universe as a wave is a continuous with the ocean.”

“Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Empty existential words from clueless dead men.

No help here anywhere.

 

I wish I could be excited for the menial joys of the latest pop song. I wish I could talk to my friends about the latest overrated movie. I wish… I wish…

 

I wish I had a clone. A clone who is equally disgusted by it all. Though I’d probably think he/she was a bummer. Talk to me. I might like you. If my expectations were the ocean the Mariana trench would be ankle-deep.

Half full, plus a half.

Optimism

or Pessimism

An alcoholic’s glass

is always full

The others don’t like that

They invent labels

Alcoholic

Addict

Drunk

They associate the labels

with criminality

violence

anger

But all that matters

to the alcoholic

is a full glass

While the others argue about halves.

A glass of peace

A glass of sociability

Loners have it all

and a drink does the rest.